kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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