Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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