Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
