Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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