Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
