I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Fuck me I smell like cheese
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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