Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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