Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
