i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
