If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
