You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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