You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
