I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
