i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
