i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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