I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
