Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
