She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
