maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
