It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
