I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
