So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
