If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
