you guys were way drunker than both of me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
