Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
