There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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