Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He better not be in your backpack
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
