apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize