I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
