Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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