I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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