My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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