we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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