do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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