I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
