4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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