i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
