Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
