I feel great
I just peed on a car
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
