i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
