she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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