My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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