so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
