He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
