I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
