i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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