Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
