dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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