I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
