This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
