You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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