He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's just like the Real World with babies
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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