My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
