One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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