I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
