dude i'm inner monologue high
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
