if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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