you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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