is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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