I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
