i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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