I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
