My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
