the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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