They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize