They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
