Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
