I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
