Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
