I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
