im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
