Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I want to be your penis for a week.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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