so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
