he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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