I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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