My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
