I accidentally burped into my bong.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
