On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
