God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
