if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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