I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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