guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize