I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
