I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
