I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
