i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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