I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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