oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
