I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
