The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The best revenge is premature balding
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
