Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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