these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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